‘Tis the Rush Before Christmas
By
T. V. Higgins
(with apologies to Clement C. Moore)

‘Tis the rush before Christmas, when all through the land
Every merchant is courting consumer demand.
Black Friday ’til New Year’s they all run amok
In hopes that their products will make a quick buck.

The store shelves are stacked with a gaudy array
Of gizmos and gadgets all made in Taipei.
When the discounts kick in after Thanksgiving Day,
That’s when mean girls go shopping with red pepper spray.

To find a good bargain is not for the ritzy.
Some shoppers will tase you to snag a 360.
Imagine if Santa showed up at the mall.
His sleigh would get jacked–reindeer, presents, and all.

Remember when Christmas once fostered good cheer,
How it made you excited that Santa was near?
Remember that magical twinge you would feel
At the notion that Santa Claus just might be real?

But alas old St. Nick has lost much of his lore,
And Christmas just isn’t the same anymore.
The Elves don’t make toys for our kids like before,
They’re assembled in China and shipped to a store.

Not Dasher, not Dancer, not Prancer nor Vixen,
Not Comet, not Cupid, not Donder nor Blitzen,
Not even old Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer
Could ship the toys faster from China to here.

Shipping toys in a sleigh…well, that’s just insane.
It’s cheaper and faster to send them by plane.
Don’t you know time is money? To waste it’s a crime.
It’s all about squeezing out every last dime.

Having elves make the toys at the North Pole by hand
Is a waste of cheap labor and won’t meet demand.
Better to update all means of production
And lay off the elves to achieve cost reduction.

Why spend the whole year making toys just for tots?
It’s smarter to automate using robots
And turn out cheap products that sell by the millions.
Before the year’s out you’d be raking in billions.

And why keep a list of who’s naughty or nice,
Or waste all that time going over it twice?
You’d just limit the size of your market that way.
Get rid of the list for a bigger payday.

If St. Nick followed suit, he would make a real killing.
He’d be richer than God, if the Good Lord were willing.
He could name his own price and call all of the shots
Making widgets for everyone, even the tots.

But Christmas is not about unbridled greed.
It’s all about giving to people in need.
It’s spending more time with your sisters and brothers,
And making this world so much better for others.

If you can remember this simple refrain
By saying it over and over again,
You’ll hear Santa call as he sails out of sight:
“Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”